Lettres à Atticus Passage 1

et mea sponte faciebam antea et post duabus epistulis tuis perdiligenter in eandem rationem scriptis magno opere sum commotus. eo accedebat hortator adsiduus Sallustius ut agerem quam diligentissime cum Lucceio de vestra vetere gratia reconcilianda. sed cum omnia fecissem, non modo eam voluntatem eius quae fuerat erga te reciperare non potui, verum ne causam quidem elicere immutatae voluntatis. tametsi iactat ille quidem illud suum arbitrium et ea quae iam tum cum aderas offendere eius animum intellegebam, tamen habet quiddam profecto quod magis in animo eius insederit, quod neque epistulae tuae neque nostra adlegatio tam potest facile delere. quam tu praesens non modo oratione sed tuo vultu illo familiari tolles, si modo tanti putaris, id quod, si me audies et si humanitati tuae constare voles, certe putabis. ac ne illud mirere cur, cum ego antea significarim tibi per litteras me sperare illum in nostra potestate fore, nunc idem videar diffidere, incredibile est quanto mihi videatur illius voluntas obstinatior et in hac iracundia offirmatior. sed haec aut sanabuntur cum veneris aut ei molesta erunt in utro culpa erit.

I was already acting of my own accord, and afterward I was greatly moved by two letters from you, both written with the utmost care to the same effect. Sallustius added his constant urging that I should deal as diligently as possible with Lucceius about restoring your old friendship. Yet after doing everything, I could neither recover the feeling he once had toward you nor even draw from him the cause of its change. Although he does indeed parade that dispute of his and the matters which, even while you were here, I understood to offend him, something else has certainly settled more deeply in his mind, something neither your letter nor my advocacy can easily erase. When present, you will remove it not only by speech but by that familiar expression of yours, provided you think it worth the effort. You certainly will if you listen to me and wish to remain true to your own humanity. Do not wonder why, although I previously indicated by letter that I hoped he would be under our influence, I now seem distrustful. It is incredible how much more obstinate his attitude and how much more resolute in anger he now appears to me. But these matters will either be healed when you come, or will be a burden to the one whose fault they are.

Je m’en occupais déjà spontanément, et tes deux dernières lettres, écrites avec le plus grand soin dans le même esprit, m’ont vivement remué. À cela s’ajoutait Sallustius, qui m’exhortait sans relâche à agir avec la plus grande diligence auprès de Lucceius pour rétablir votre ancienne entente. Mais, malgré tous mes efforts, je n’ai pu ni lui rendre les dispositions qu’il avait autrefois envers toi, ni même lui arracher la cause de ce changement. Sans doute met-il en avant cette décision arbitrale qui fut la sienne et les faits dont, déjà lorsque tu étais présent, je voyais qu’ils blessaient son esprit. Il existe toutefois quelque chose qui s’est certainement fixé plus profondément dans son âme et que ni ta lettre ni notre ambassade ne peuvent effacer si facilement. Présent, tu le dissiperas non seulement par tes paroles, mais par cette expression familière de ton visage, pourvu que tu juges l’affaire assez importante. Si tu m’écoutes et veux rester fidèle à ton humanité, tu le jugeras certainement. Ne t’étonne pas qu’après t’avoir auparavant indiqué par lettre mon espoir de le voir céder à notre influence, je paraisse maintenant manquer de confiance: il est incroyable combien sa volonté me semble plus obstinée et plus affermie dans cette colère. Mais ces blessures seront guéries lorsque tu viendras, ou bien elles retomberont péniblement sur celui qui en porte la faute.