Stoicism for Those in Despair
- Availability
- Text available
- Text quality
- Automatic checks passed
- Text format
- Digital text extracted from the document
- Document type
- Educational resource
- Usage rights
- Authorized for this project
- Excerpts
- 31
page 1, segment 1/2
MARCUS AURELIUS COURSE
JUNE 2016 ETHICS PROJECT
John Knighton
STOICISM FOR THOSE IN DESPAIR
Introduction.
What I hope to do in this article is draw together several truths from my own experience, link
them to truths out of Stoic doctrine, and present these as tools for certain people: I would
speak to the person who has lost hope, who is suffering, who cannot see a way forward, or who
is contemplating self-destruction as a solution. I would ask him or her to tarry a while here
with me, and read what I have to say. My viewpoint might be beneficial.
Who am I, addressing this to you? I am not someone of great ability; just someone who once
wished to do away with himself but managed to think better of it -- and has managed to live a
bit better, too. And I would share what I know with whosoever finds him or her self lost in
dismay and embracing out-and-out despair.
Basic Expectations.
Every person in despair can cite a reason for giving up. I would argue that in all cases these
reasons rest on the person's defeated expectations, on the disappointments of life. It is in the
general nature of people to expect success in living; this expectation is part of our nature, part
of the package, as it were. Even when our lives fill up with weaknesses and failures, we retain
implicit egocentric expectations, in particular: (1) that I am good, (2) that I deserve well, and
(3) that “life should work”. This contradiction between how we feel the universe should be
and how it turns out to be can translate into the opinion that life itself is broken, such that
people may wind up grieving for the loss of something they never had to begin with. So my
first premiss is that it is the defeat of Basic Expectations that vexes many people and even
drives them in despair to the point of
page 1, segment 2/2
suicide.
Additional (and Unwarranted) Expectations.
A second premiss is that someone in despair will not overcome this frustration unless he or
she learns to distinguish between these innate Basic Expectations and all the Added
1of 16
page 2, segment 1/2
Expectations that each person naturally enough attaches to the Basic ones. One Basic
Expectation is that the person, him or her self, is good; this expectation can be defended not
as fact but as a natural starting point for a social animal, wishing to be good and hoping that,
in fact, he is. But we eventually accumulate a huge constellation of Expectations; a few are
Basic, but many turn out to be baseless.
As living creatures we receive sensations of insult, hostility, deprivation, and pain, and we
receive these as bad things; these Adversities are shocks to our nerves; they are causes of
anger and resentment. It may seem that we should have a better natural defense against these,
yet, strangely, many of us do not. Every such reversal we receive, if not handled correctly, can
nest and sting like a burr in our mind. Yet every Expectation we have is another setup for just
such a disappointment (only one of many paradoxes of being a human being).
“Seek not that things which happen should happen as you wish, but wish the things
which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life.”
Epictêtus, Enchiridion, VIII.
Having linked many Added Expectations to the Basic ones, we are living “beyond our means”
in a sense. We've constructed a constellation of unspoken expectations that increases the
certainty and the number of shocks we will receive. To make things worse, people often
expect things to happen for them immediately, and they are disappointed if they do not.
Expecting too much too soon, then, almost qualifies as a kind of self-torture. For these
reasons, the trimming away of spurious Expectations is both an important tool and also a
necessary habit for someone in despair who wishes to find a happier way of life.
The Desire to Live.
There is
page 2, segment 2/2
another important 'Basic' to speak of; to demonstrate this, I must ask you a
question: Setting aside all hopes and dreams, all the scenarios and experiences you have of
life, do you not - at base - wish to live? Most people must answer, “Yes, I do.” Yet certain of
us, habituated to negativity, will maintain, "No, I do not.” But invariably that negative reply
is conditioned by a specific complaint, for example:
No, I do not wish to live any more ...
- after finding out that she hates me; or
2of 16
page 3, segment 1/2
- after having seen how truly cruel people can be; or
- after having seen for myself what a coward I am; or
and so on.
- after having failed repeatedly at what I imagined was my work in life;
But these specific complaints, given as justifications for suicide, reveal a most important
truth: that, stripped of this or that particular complaint, each of us implicitly accepts his or
her own Basic Desire to Live. This is human, implicit, and natural. And so I propose that it is
on that little foundation that rebuilding a life begins.
So now we have a Basic Desire – to live; and we have certain Basic Expectations – to be good,
to be well-treated, to be successful. But what fouls this up? Events? Yes, in a superficial
sense; but more fundamentally, what fouls this up is our attachment to our many Added
Expectations, all the fanciful conditions that we have attached to our Basic Expectations and
Desire. In a word, for an unhappy lot of us, our Expectations are inflated and un-natural.
Paradox is normal, perfection is a lie.
A paradox is a statement that may be true but which appears to state two opposite, mutually
contradictory things. In life, we see many paradoxes, often the result from viewing a single
subject from two distinct points of view. But paradoxes can be quite instructive; their
absurdity (in strict logic) makes them (in practical terms) all the more memorable. I have one
I keep by me which is absurd, and yet, in a certain sense, quite true, that: “Our vices are our
virtues”. What do I mean? I mean that often unexpected “good” is to be found in what we feel
to “bad”, and vice versa. Not strictly true, but pedagogically useful and actually quite
important.
For example, during my years of depression, my small intellect only aggravated my dismay
and
page 3, segment 2/2
hopelessness; yet in the end it was that intellect that provided a way out, first by allowing
me to argue that I was worthwhile (as opposed to all the “worthies” of the world who prompt
endless wars and ruin nature) and then later as a faculty for reading and discovering Stoicism,
this philosophy of wisdom that can wrestle so well with an absurd world. Moreover, it was
only when I had hit emotional bottom and was actively contemplating suicide that I
3of 16
page 4, segment 1/2
discovered that it was partly “hope” (hope for inordinate achievement) that kept me resentful
and ineffective, and that I still had my actual desire to live. These paradoxical insights
(among others) allowed me to live, and to live better.
“The sea is both pure
and tainted: healthy
and good haven to the fish,
to men impotable and deadly.”
Heraclitus, Haxton.52 (corresp. to Burnet.61)
Simplification.
I believe that we discover a more accurate and dependable basis for living if we reduce our
Expectations and objectives to just the essential ones. This may not be necessary for a lot of
people, especially people of great ability or determination; but for those who find it difficult
simply to face each day, it is fundamental. It is not that we need to abandon dreams or desires
entirely, but if we are going to entertain them, then they must have something to do with who
and what we really are. Holding on to imperatives that only frustrate and embitter ourselves
is useless and destructive. Thus, it is sensible to re-orient ourselves, simplify our burdens,
and get a better grip on what will be needed to live. Hopes should have a basis in reality and,
for someone overwhelmed, simplification needs to be radical.
“Rescue the drowning and tie your shoe-strings.”
– Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Here is a valuable simplifying tool: Make a list of the good things in your life (meaning 'good'
in its most common sense), but don't discount the positive value of anything. Dig deep; this is
a serious list. Leave nothing out, no matter how common or small. Anything that is not
utterly dismal and crushing, anything decent that you normally take for granted, anything that
is simply “to be expected” must on this list be counted as a good. The very first item will most
likely be, “I am
page 4, segment 2/2
alive”. Add to it every positive thing you can think of. Starting from zero in
this way, you'll find that there is an abundance of things with value, even for someone who can
“prove” that he or she is miserable. A short example might be:
•
•
I live.
I have my limbs (but perhaps not; everyone is in a different position!).
4of 16
page 5, segment 1/2
•
•
•
•
•
I have my mind.
I am not ill (but, again, perhaps not).
My lungs work (some cannot even count on this).
My pet loves me (or at least comforts me).
No thugs accost me (but perhaps this is not always so).
And so on. The point is to strip away the blinders that automatically omit elements of life that
are, in fact, life-giving and fortunate.
Now someone may object to this as a pathetic exercise, like an ode to shameful mediocrity.
But is the exercise “dishonest”? Are we shirking the task of being “excellent”? On the
contrary, it is therapeutic; it allows a person to re-discover the simple value of things in life; to
see both self and world more clearly. While the Perfectionist may wander about in an overfocused fog of dissatisfaction and resentment, the modest man or woman, accepting reality,
will stand on better ground.
Stoicism: a Philosophy of Living.
It is now that I wish to bring more of Stoic philosophy into my discussion, and to clarify
certain topics.
1.
My first such topic is “Freedom”. Everyone wants to be free – able, unfettered, on their
own. But think a moment: Is anyone simply a free agent in the world? Well, no; not entirely.
Even less so if you're handicapped or spiritually depressed. Many are the things that press
against a person, weigh him or her down, restrict choices, subvert desires, promise heaven for
a penny, tantalize and mislead. I submit that, in fact, no one ever finds freedom in life
without acknowledging, to begin with, this natural state of un-freedom. To proceed otherwise
demands disappointment and frustration.
And yet, as the Stoics would point out, each person does possess a sphere of freedom that is
basic and irreducible, if too often neglected. Nature has provided each of you with this, the
necessary tool for
page 5, segment 2/2
dealing with a world that is not yours. But it is not some utterly
comprehensive magical power!
5of 16
page 6, segment 1/2
To demonstrate what it is, I must ask another question: What things are up to you as an
Individual? What things are truly within your personal responsibility and control? At first,
one may answer that there are many areas where we have influence -- with friends, family,
colleagues, tools, possessions, pets, our physical selves. Yet experience must eventually teach
us just how limited our influence is. Consider: If, say, your in-laws had certain objectionable
habits, is it within your power to change them? Perhaps, somewhat, but fundamentally? No.
What about inanimate things, such as a simple screwdriver? Taken in hand by a malefactor,
the simple tool, suddenly gone from our control, becomes a threat to our very life! Or, looking
inwards, how about our intimate biological selves? For instance, ask a cancer patient: What
afflicts you? His or her body's cells themselves have gone mad, multiplying furiously into
deadly alien masses, threatening not only the Individual but themselves! Or what of fatal
external things: a tsunami's arrival; being hit by a locomotive; the latest strain of influenza;
and so on. All these things are driven – literally – by forces outside of your life over which you
have absolutely no influence. Death and misery hover around us all, secret, unpredictable.
We may have some influence on external things, but only some, and even that only
imperfectly. In general, we have little or no positive control over other people or events in the
world at large. This is why, for the Stoic, an Individual has only one critical domain: the few
things that are really “up to me". But what is “up to me”? Whatever rests solely with me to do,
guide, accomplish, maintain: my thought, will, action, judgment. This interior domain is the
only valid place where the
page 6, segment 2/2
Individual will have a free hand, beyond the control of other people
or events.
Yet, even here, beyond the direct control of others, this power may still be up for grabs. The
Individual's power here is not automatic, but must be developed and exercised; if it is not,
then foolish impulses, external events, or other people will influence us and seize the control control that should be our own. Whenever a person is not actively and rationally using the
internal power, it will be used by bad habits or external forces and the person will simply be
carried away.
So if the germ of our will is in the Basic Desire, wishing to live, and the germ of our freedom is
in "what is up to us" (the inner domain where one can choose how to try to act), then
6of 16