Consolation to Helvia, His Mother Chapter 4

Magno id animo feci; constitui enim vincere dolorem tuum, non circumscribere. Vineam autem, puto, primum si ostendero nihil me pati, propter quod ipse dici possim miser, nedum propter quod miseros etiam quos contingo faciam, deinde si ad te transiere et probavero ne tuam quidem gravem esse fortunam, quae tota ex mea pendet. Hoc prius adgrediar, quod pietas tua audire gestit, nihil mihi mali esse. Si potuero, ipsas res, quibus me putat premi, non esse intolerabiles faciam manifestum ; sin id credi non potuerit, at ego mihi ipse magis placebo, quod inter eas res beatus ero, quae miseros solent facere. Non est, quod de me aliis credas ; ipse tibi, ne quid incertis opinionibus perturberis, indico me non esse miserum. Adiciam, quo securior sis, ne fieri quidem me posse miserum.

I have done this by way of a heroic remedy: for I have determined to conquer this grief of yours, not merely to limit it; and I shall conquer it, I believe, if in the first place I can prove that I am not suffering enough to entitle me to be called unhappy, let alone to justify me in rendering my family unhappy: and, secondly, if I can deal with your case and prove that even your misfortune, which comes upon you entirely through me, is not a severe one. The point to which I shall first address myself is that of which your motherly love longs to hear, I mean, that I am not suffering: if I can, I will make it clear to you that the events by which you think that I am overwhelmed, are not unendurable: if you cannot believe this, I at any rate shall be all the more pleased with myself for being happy under circumstances which could make most men miserable. You need not believe what others say about me: that you may not be puzzled by any uncertainty as to what to think, I distinctly tell you that I am not miserable: I will add, for your greater comfort, that it is not possible for me to be made miserable.

J’y parviendrai, je l’espère, si je vous montre d’abord que rien dans mon sort ne doit faire juger malheureux ni moi, ni à plus forte raison les miens, qui souffriraient de mon malheur ; et si, passant à votre destinée particulière, laquelle dépend toute de la mienne, je vous prouve qu’elle n’est point au-dessus de vos forces. Je commencerai par ce que votre tendresse est le plus impatiente d’ouïr, et vous dirai que je n’éprouve aucun mal. Quand je ne pourrais vous en convaincre, je vous démontrerai du moins que le faix sous lequel je vous, parais fléchir peut se supporter. Que si encore vous ne m’en croyez pas, je m’applaudirai davantage de me trouver heureux dans une situation qui ne fait presque que des misérables. Ne jugez point sur ouï-dire ; c’est moi qui, pour empêcher que des préjugés ne vous troublent, vous déclare que je ne suis pas malheureux. J’ajouterai, pour vous tranquilliser plus encore qu’il est impossible que je le sois jamais.