Letters to Atticus Passage 1

dum recordationes fugio quae quasi morsu quodam dolorem efficiunt, refugio ad te admonendum. quod velim mihi ignoscas, cuicuimodi est. etenim habeo non nullos ex iis quos nunc lectito auctores qui dicant fieri id oportere quod saepe tecum egi et quod a te approbari volo, de fano illo dico, de quo tantum quantum me amas velim cogites. equidem neque de genere dubito (placet enim mihi Cluati) neque de re (statutum est enim), de loco non numquam. velim igitur cogites. ego , quantum his temporibus tam eruditis fieri potuerit, profecto illam consecrabo omni genere monimentorum ab omnium ingeniis sumptorum et Graecorum et Latinorum. quae res forsitan sit refricatura vulnus meum. sed iam quasi voto quodam et promisso me teneri puto, longumque illud tempus cum non ero magis me movet quam hoc exiguum, quod mihi tamen nimium longum videtur. habeo enim nihil temptatis rebus omnibus in quo acquiescam. nam dum illud tractabam de quo ad te ante scripsi, quasi fovebam dolores meos; nunc omnia respuo nec quicquam habeo tolerabilius quam solitudinem; quam, quod eram veritus, non obturbavit Philippus. nam ut heri me salutavit, statim Romam profectus est.

While I flee recollections that cause pain as though by biting me, I take refuge in reminding you of something. Please pardon me, whatever its character. For among the authors I am now reading repeatedly, I have some who say that I ought to do what I have often discussed with you and what I want you to approve. I mean that shrine. I should like you to think about it with all the care proportionate to your love for me. I have no doubt about its form, for Cluatius' design pleases me, nor about the undertaking, for it is resolved, but sometimes about the location. I should therefore like you to consider it. So far as has been possible in times as cultivated as ours, I shall assuredly consecrate her with every kind of memorial drawn from every Greek and Latin genius. That may perhaps reopen my wound. But now I think myself bound by a kind of vow and promise, and that long time when I shall not exist affects me more than this brief span, which nevertheless seems far too long to me. After trying everything, I have nothing in which to find rest. While I was handling the work about which I wrote to you before, I seemed almost to soothe my pain; now I reject everything and find nothing more tolerable than solitude. Philippus did not disturb it, as I had feared. For after calling on me yesterday, he immediately left for Rome.

En cherchant à fuir les souvenirs qui causent la douleur comme par une morsure, je me réfugie dans une nouvelle exhortation que je t’adresse. Je voudrais que tu me pardonnes, quelle qu’elle soit. Parmi les auteurs que je lis maintenant, j’en trouve plusieurs qui disent qu’il faut faire ce dont je t’ai souvent entretenu et que je veux te voir approuver. Je parle de ce sanctuaire. Je voudrais que tu y réfléchisses autant que tu m’aimes. Je ne doute ni du modèle, car celui de Cluatius me plaît, ni du projet, car ma décision est prise ; mais parfois je doute du lieu. Je voudrais donc que tu y réfléchisses. Autant qu’il sera possible en des temps si savants, je la consacrerai certainement par toutes sortes de monuments tirés du génie de tous les auteurs grecs et latins. Cette entreprise rouvrira peut-être ma blessure. Mais je me crois déjà lié par une sorte de vœu et de promesse ; et ce long temps où je ne serai plus m’émeut davantage que ce bref temps présent, qui pourtant me semble excessivement long. Après avoir tout essayé, je n’ai rien où trouver le repos. Tant que je travaillais au sujet dont je t’ai parlé auparavant, je semblais pour ainsi dire bercer mes douleurs ; maintenant je rejette tout et ne trouve rien de plus supportable que la solitude. Philippus ne l’a pas troublée comme je l’avais craint. Après être venu hier me saluer, il est aussitôt parti pour Rome.