Letters to Atticus Passage 7

ego me in hac omni causa facile intellegebam pugnandi cupidis hominibus non satis facere. primum enim prae me tuli me nihil malle quam pacem, non quin eadem timerem quae illi sed ea bello civili leviora ducebam. deinde suscepto bello, cum pacis condiciones ad te adferri a teque ad eas honorifice et large responderi viderem, duxi meam rationem; quam tibi facile me probaturum pro tuo in me beneficio arbitrabar. memineram me esse unum qui pro meis maximis in rem publicam meritis supplicia miserrima et crudelissima pertulissem, me esse unum qui, si offendissem eius animum cui tum cum iam in armis essemus consulatus tamen alter et triumphus amplissimus deferebatur, subicerer eisdem proeliis, ut mea persona semper ad improborum civium impetus aliquid videretur habere populare. neque haec non ego prius sum suspicatus quam mihi palam denuntiata sunt, neque ea tam pertimui, si subeunda essent, quam declinanda putavi, si honeste vitare possem.

Throughout this affair I readily understood that I did not satisfy men eager to fight. First, I openly declared that I desired nothing more than peace, not because I did not fear the same things they feared, but because I considered them lighter than civil war. Then, once war had begun, when I saw terms of peace brought to you and answered by you with honor and generosity, I considered my own position, which I thought I could easily justify to you in view of your kindness toward me. I remembered that I alone, in return for my very great services to the republic, had endured the most pitiable and cruel punishments; and that I alone, if I offended the man to whom, even when we were already under arms, a second consulship and a most splendid triumph were nevertheless being offered by Pompey, would be exposed to the same attacks, because violence against my person always seemed to have some popular appeal for disloyal citizens. I had suspected this before it was openly threatened against me. I did not fear these dangers so much, if they had to be faced, as I thought they should be avoided if I could honorably escape them.

Dans toute cette affaire, je comprenais aisément que je ne donnais pas satisfaction aux hommes avides de combattre. J’ai d’abord déclaré que je ne préférais rien à la paix, non que je ne craignisse les mêmes choses qu’eux, mais je les jugeais moins graves qu’une guerre civile. Ensuite, la guerre une fois engagée, lorsque je vis des conditions de paix t’être apportées et que tu y répondais avec honneur et générosité, j’ai considéré ma situation personnelle, que je pensais pouvoir aisément justifier auprès de toi, en raison de tes bienfaits envers moi. Je me souvenais que j’étais le seul à avoir subi, en récompense de mes très grands services envers la République, les peines les plus misérables et les plus cruelles. Je me souvenais que, si j’offensais l’homme auquel Pompée, alors que nous étions déjà sous les armes, proposait néanmoins un second consulat et un triomphe magnifique, je serais exposé aux mêmes épreuves, car les attaques des mauvais citoyens contre ma personne ont toujours paru offrir quelque chose de populaire. Je n’ai pas seulement soupçonné ces choses avant qu’elles ne me fussent ouvertement annoncées. Je ne les ai pas tant redoutées, s’il fallait les subir, que je n’ai jugé devoir les éviter, si je pouvais le faire honorablement.