On the Firmness of the Wise Person Chapter 18

C. Caesar inter cetera vitia, quibus abundabat, contumeliosus mira libidine ferebatur omnis aliqua nota feriendi, ipse materia risus benignissima : tanta illi palloris insaniam testantis foeditas erat, tanta oculorum sub fronte anili latentium torvitas, tanta capitis destituti et emendicaticiis capillis aspersi deformitas ; adice obsessam saetis cervicem et exilitatem crurum et enormitatem pedum. Immensum est, si velim singula referre, per quae in parentes avesque suos contumeliosus fuit, per quae in uni- versos ordines; ea referam, quae illum exitio dederunt. Asiaticum Valerium in primis amicis habebat, ferocem virum et vix aequo animo alienas contumelias laturum ; huic in convivio, id est in contione, voce clarissima, qualis in concubitu esset uxor eius, obiecit. Di boni, hoc virum audire, principem scire et usque eo licentiam pervenisse, ut, non dico consulari, non dico amico, sed tantum marito princeps et adulterium suum narret et fastidium! Chaereae contra, tribuno militum, sermo non pro manu erat, languidus sono et, ni facta nosses, suspectior. Huic Gaius signum petenti modo Veneris, modo Priapi dabat aliter atque aliter exprobrans armato mollitiam; haec ipse perlucidus, crepidatus, auratus. Coegit itaque illum uti ferro, ne saepius signum peteret ! Ille primus inter coniuratos manum sustulit, ille cervicem mediam uno ictu decidit ; plurimum deinde undique publicas ac privatas iniurias ulciscentium gladiorum ingestum est, sed primus vir fuit, qui minime visus est. At idem Gaius omnia contumelias putabat, ut sunt ferendarum impatientes faciendarum cupidissimi; iratus fuit Herennio Macro, quod illum Gaium salutaverat, nec impune cessit primipilari, quod Caligulam dixerat; hoc enim in castris natus et alumnus legionum vocari solebat, nullo nomine militibus familiarior umquam factus, sed iam Caligulam convicium et probrum iudicabat cothurnatus. Ergo hoc ipsum solacio erit, etiam si nostra facilitas ultionem omiserit, futurum aliquem qui poenas exigat a procace et superbo et iniurioso, quae vitia numquam in uno homine et in una contumelia consumuntur. Respiciamus eorum exempla, quorum laudamus patientiam, ut Socratis, qui comoediarum publicatos in se et spectatos sales in partem bonam accepit risitque non minus quam cum ab uxore Xanthippe immunda aqua perfunderetur. Antistheni mater barbara et Thraessa obiciebatur ; respondit et deorum matrem Idaeam esse.

Gaius Caesar, among the other vices with which he overflowed, was possessed by a strange insolent passion for marking every one with some note of ridicule, he himself being the most tempting subject for derision; so ugly was the paleness which proved him mad, so savage the glare of the eyes which lurked under his old woman’s brow, so hideous his misshapen head, bald and dotted about with a few cherished hairs; besides the neck set thick with bristles, his thin legs, his monstrous feet. It would be endless were I to mention all the insults which he heaped upon his parents and ancestors, and people of every class of life. I will mention those which brought him to ruin. An especial friend of his was Asiaticus Valerius, a proud-spirited man and one hardly likely to put up with another’s insults quietly. At a drinking bout, that is, a public assembly, Gaius, at the top of his voice, reproached this man with the way his wife behaved in bed. Good gods! that a man should hear that the emperor knew this, and that he, the emperor, should describe his adultery and his disappointment to the lady’s husband, I do not say to a man of consular rank and his own friend. Chaerea, on the other hand, the military tribune, had a voice not befitting his prowess, feeble in sound, and somewhat suspicious unless you knew his achievements. When he asked for the watchword Gaius at one time gave him “Venus,” and at another “Priapus,” and by various means reproached the man-at-arms with effeminate vice; while he himself was dressed in transparent clothes, wearing sandals and jewellery. Thus he forced him to use his sword, that he might not have to ask for the watchword oftener; it was Chaerea who first of all the conspirators raised his hand, who cut through the middle of Caligula’s neck with one blow. After that, many swords, belonging to men who had public or private injuries to avenge, were thrust into his body, but he first showed himself a man who seemed least like one. The same Gaius construed everything as an insult (since those who are most eager to offer affronts are least able to endure them). He was angry with Herennius Macer for having greeted him as Gaius - nor did the chief centurion of triarii get off scot-free for having saluted him as Caligula; having been born in the camp and brought up as the child of the legions, he had been wont to be called by this name, nor was there any by which he was better known to the troops, but by this time he held “Caligula” to be a reproach and a dishonour. Let wounded spirits, then, console themselves with this reflexion, that, even though our easy temper may have neglected to revenge itself, nevertheless that there will be some one who will punish the impertinent, proud, and insulting man, for these are vices which he never confines to one victim or one single offensive act. Let us look at the examples of those men whose endurance we admire, as, for instance, that of Socrates, who took in good part the published and acted jibes of the comedians upon himself, and laughed no less than he did when he was drenched with dirty water by his wife Xanthippe. Antisthenes was reproached with his mother being a barbarian and a Thracian; he answered that the mother of the gods, too, came from Mount Ida.

Caligula, parmi tous les vices qui abondaient en lui, avait une merveilleuse aptitude aux sarcasmes, comme l’éprouvaient tous ceux qui donnaient prise à quelque stigmate , bien qu’il fût lui-même un ample sujet de moquerie. C’était cette pâleur caractéristique de sa folie, et si repoussante ; c’étaient ces yeux disparaissant presque sous un front de vieille, et si affreusement louches ; c’était cette tête chauve, que des cheveux d’emprunt semés par places rendaient si difforme, et puis cette nuque hérissée d’une soie rude, ces jambes grêles, ces pieds énormes. Je ne finirais pas si je voulais citer tous les mots méprisants qui lui échappèrent contre les auteurs de ses jours, contre ses aïeux, contre tous les ordres de l’État : rapportons seulement ceux qui lui furent mortels. Asiaticus Valérius, son ami, honoré des premières entrées, était un homme peu traitable, à peine capable de souffrir une offense même faite à autrui. C’est à ce Valérius qu’en plein banquet, autant dire en assemblée publique, Caligula, d’une voix haute et claire, osa dépeindre comment se comportait sa femme dans les bras d’un homme. Justes dieux ! un mari entendre ces choses, le prince les savoir, et pousser l’impudeur jusqu’à raconter je ne dis pas au consulaire, à l’ami, mais, lui empereur, à l’époux la honte de l’épouse et les dégoûts de son corrupteur ! Chéréa, tribun militaire, avait une voix qui ne répondait pas à son courage et dont les sons peu mâles et cassés pouvaient faire suspecter ses mœurs. Lorsqu’il demandait le mot d’ordre, le prince lui donnait tantôt Vénus, tantôt Priape, accusant ce guerrier d’infâmes complaisances dans des termes toujours nouveaux ; quand lui était en robe transparente, en sandales , chamarré d’or ! Chéréa fut contraint de recourir au glaive pour se soustraire à de pareils mots d’ordre. Le premier d’entre les conjurés il leva le bras sur l’empereur ; il lui fendit d’un seul coup la tête ; puis mille autres épées vinrent de toutes parts achever de venger les injures des citoyens et de la patrie. Mais le premier qui fut homme alors, c’est celui qui l’avait paru le moins. Ce Caligula ne voyait en tout que des offenses, aussi incapable de les souffrir qu’avide de les faire. Il s’emporta contre Hérennius Macer, qui l’avait salué du nom de Caïus ; et un centurion primipilaire eut à se repentir de l’avoir appelé Caligula . On sait que, né dans les camps, il n’était famièrement familièrement désigné par le soldat que sous ce nom-là et sous celui d’enfant des légions ; mais Caligula lui parut une satire et un outrage dès qu’il eut chaussé le cothurne impérial . Ce sera donc déjà une consolation de savoir que, notre indulgence oubliât-elle de se venger, il se trouvera quelqu’un qui châtie le provocateur, le superbe, d’où nous est venue l’injure : car de tels êtres n’épuisent pas leur fiel sur une seule personne et dans une seule attaque. 6. Jetons les yeux sur les exemples d’hommes dont nous louons la patience ; sur un Socrate, qui, assistant aux comédies où il était publiquement bafoué, prit la chose de bonne grâce et ne rit pas moins que le jour où sa femme Xantippe l’arrosa tout entier d’une eau immonde. On reprochait à Antisthène d’être né d’une mère barbare, d’une Thrace ; il répondit que la mère des dieux était aussi du mont Ida .